Are There Abusive Laity Within Your Church?
Mike Puddicombe Church revitalization is hard work—but sometimes the greatest resistance does not come from outside the church. It comes from within.
Across North America, many pastors and church revitalizers are facing a quiet but destructive reality: abusive lay leaders who undermine spiritual leadership, damage trust, and stall renewal. This is not simply conflict or disagreement. It is a pattern of toxic behavior that, if left unaddressed, can devastate both pastors and congregations.
A Silent Crisis in the Church
Jesus warned His disciples that He was sending them out “as sheep among wolves” (Matthew 10:16). While the church is meant to be a place of refuge and grace, it can also become an environment where spiritually unhealthy individuals exert destructive influence.
In many declining churches, pastors are not simply discouraged—they are targeted. These abusive laypersons often resist change, cling to power, and respond with hostility toward leaders who seek renewal. Their behavior is frequently tolerated by the broader congregation, creating what can best be described as a “holy hush.”
The result is devastating. Thousands of pastors leave ministry each year, many not because of calling or competence, but because of sustained abuse from within the church.
What Does Abusive Laity Look Like?
Abusive laypeople are rarely obvious at first glance. On Sundays, they may appear charming, committed, and even spiritual. But beneath the surface, their behavior tells a different story.
Common patterns include:
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A constant need for control
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Manipulation behind the scenes
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Verbal attacks or intimidation of the pastor
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Resistance to accountability
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Stirring discontent and anxiety within the congregation
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Weaponizing “concern” or “tradition” to oppose leadership
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Alternating between repentance and repeated abuse
These individuals are not interested in reformation—they are interested in dominance. When confronted, they often double down rather than change.
Why This Matters for Church Health
Unchecked abuse does not remain isolated. It spreads.
When toxic individuals are allowed to operate freely:
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Trust erodes across the congregation
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New members quietly leave
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Lay leaders burn out or disengage
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Pastors become isolated and discouraged
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Decline accelerates
Ironically, churches that refuse to confront abuse often justify their inaction by saying they want to preserve unity—only to lose it anyway.
The Biblical Responsibility to Address Abuse
Scripture does not call the church to tolerate destructive behavior for the sake of peace. Jesus clearly outlines a process for dealing with sin and unrepentant conduct within the body (Matthew 18:15–20). The apostle Paul repeatedly warns churches to watch for divisive individuals and to separate from those who cause harm to the body (Romans 16).
Grace does not mean avoidance. Love does not mean silence. Accountability is an act of faithfulness.
What Pastors Should Do When Under Attack
Church revitalizers, in particular, are frequent targets because renewal threatens long-standing power structures. When attacks come, pastors must:
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Take refuge in the Lord through honest, persistent prayer
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Refuse to retaliate in kind
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Seek wise counsel outside the congregation
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Document patterns of abuse
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Lead the church to address behavior biblically and transparently
This work requires resilience. Church revitalization is not for the thin-skinned. Even biblical heroes—David, Paul, and historic leaders like Jonathan Edwards—faced fierce opposition from within God’s people.
A Word to Healthy Lay Leaders
Healthy congregations are not built by pastors alone. Faithful lay leaders play a crucial role in protecting the church.
If you are part of a congregation experiencing tension:
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Stand visibly with your pastor
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Pray for him and his family
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Refuse to participate in gossip
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Encourage accountability, not avoidance
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Speak truth with courage and humility
Silence often empowers abuse. Support interrupts it.
Moving Forward: Preventing Toxic Culture
Churches that experience lasting renewal take proactive steps to address toxicity before it spreads. These include:
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Setting clear behavioral expectations for leaders and members
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Addressing negativity early and consistently
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Encouraging open communication
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Celebrating progress and small wins
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Modeling healthy conflict resolution
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Holding both pastors and laity accountable
Toxic behavior, if ignored, becomes self-perpetuating. Confronted biblically, it can be redeemed—or removed for the sake of the body.
Final Thought
The church is called to be a place of healing, not harm. Abuse—whether from leaders or laity—undermines the witness of the gospel and damages the people God loves.
Revitalization requires courage: courage to confront sin, courage to protect shepherds, and courage to believe that health is possible. When abusive behavior is addressed with truth and grace, renewal has room to grow.
